Everything’s moving to violentdispersal.blogspot.com

Heeding Bonn’s advice.

Ni Emmanuel Hizon

Katulad ng iyong pangalan umasa ka sa pag-asa na
Maaari kang yakapin ng lantay na pag-ibig
Na baka sakaling mauwi ang mga palihim na tagpuan at suyuan
Sa isang matamis na pagtatapos
katulad ng lagi nating nababasa
Sa mga wakasang nobela at komiks

Katulad ng iyong pangalan, kumapit ka sa pag-aakalang
mapagbigay
Ang dampi ng pag-asa, ang bulsa ng kapalaran sa mga katulad
mong
Naghahanap, lumalaban para sa sariling espasyo at
kahalagahan sa tila
Walang katuturang ikot ng mundo

Katulad ng iyong pangalan,
pilit kang nagpumilit na baka sana, siguro, maaari
at nagtatanong bakit naman kaya hindi?

Pero hindi mabait ang kapalaran sa madaming pagkakataon
At ang matapang mong pag-ibig ay hinusgahan at kinutya
Ang iyong pagtitimpi at sakripisyo ay hinamak at paulit-ulit
na
Pinaglaruan sa artipisyal na pagsusuri ng midya at bulaang
tsismisan
Ang iyong matiponong iniirog ay iniwan kang nag-iisa,
Itinakwil, pinagtulakan, inaalay sa mga buwitre at
pinasinungalingan.

Ngayon, ikaw ay nag-iisa,
sadyang pinagtutulungan ng lahat
Pinagpipiyestahan ng lahat
Binansagan, minaliit at pinagtatawanan
Mismong tawing mong pag-asa ay tila nilayasan ka at
pinagtaguan
Ikaw o Pag-asa, na ang tanging kasalanan ay umibig ng
matapang.

Ngunit sino nga ba ang tunay na pokpok at kaladkarin?
Ikaw ba na ang tanging nais lamang ay lumigaya at mahalin?
Ikaw ba na nangahas na basagin ang mitos ng moralidad ng
bugaw na lipunang ito
At sadyang ipagdiwang kung ano talaga ang pag-ibig
Labas sa mga nakagisnang depenisyon,
Parametro,
Limitasyon
At tradisyon?

O baka naman sila ang tunay na may bahid ng putik?
Ang mga duwag at uhugin na hindi kayang umalpas at
bumasag ng mga masisikip na konsepto ng pagmamahalan,
Ang mga nagba-banal-banalan at pagod na mga purista,
Ang milyon-milyong kaladkarin na mas may panahon pa
sa mga buhay ng artista at basketbolista kaysa sa kanilang
tunay na panlipunang suliranin.

O Pag-asa, marami silang sinasabi,
Kay dami nilang mga gawi
May lason sa kanilang mga labi
Ngunit ‘di hamak, sa katotohanan
mas marami kang binabali…

Pebrero 2007

A piece by Paulo Coelho entitled ‘Closing Cycles’:
(Salamat Bonn)

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end.

If we insist on staying
longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning
of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting
doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to
leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job?
Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’
house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of
a sudden?

You can spend a long time
wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won’t take
another step until you find out why certain things that were so
important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like
that.

But such an attitude will
be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband
or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be
finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and
they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

None of us can be in the
present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to
understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not
return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that
feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night
relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least
intention of coming back.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.

That is why it is so
important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give
lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at
home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the
invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of
certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take
their place.

Let things go. Release
them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked
cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect
anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your
genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on
your emotional television to watch the same program over and over
again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss:
that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous
than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is
promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put
off waiting for the “ideal moment.” Before a new chapter is begun, the
old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will
never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live
without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit
is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but
it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not
because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no
longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the
house, shake off the dust.

Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.
          

Lubusang bagahe ang iyong mga alaala sa akin. Halos makuba
ako sa pagbibitbit ng mga dalahing ito ngunit patuloy ang aking pagkarga,
patuloy ang pagdala ko sa iyo. Male-maleta ng iyong nakaraan ang aking
araw-araw na dinadala. Sa mga makikipot na daan na minsan lamang dapuan ng
liwanag, sa mga eskinitang tinambayan ng aking lungkot at pagdurusa, sa mga
kalsadang inaspalto ng luha, pagod at kawalan ng pag-asa, sa mga baku-bakong
lansangang madalas ko tirikan. Dito,dito kita pilit tinatawid.

Madalas, gusto na kita iwan, madalas gusto na kita itapon sa
mga matatarik na bangin ng pagkalimot, madalas gusto na kita ibaon sa aking
baul at ilibing ito sa kinakalawang kong puso, ngunit ikaw ang tipo ng bagaheng
hindi ko maisantabi, maiwan at maitapon.

Hanggang kailan kaya kita papasanin, hanggang kailan ka kaya
manunukso ng mga baka at posibilidad sa aking naghihingalong pagsusuma, kung
may pag-asa pa nga ba tayo? Male-maleta ang iyong nakaraan na umiikot sa aking
gunita, kahon-kahon ang ating mga away at hindi matapos na paalam sa isa’t isa.

Alam ko ganito ka rin dati. Naglalakad ng nakayuko, halos
mabali ang mga buto sa mabibigat na pasanin. Ngunit sabi mo nga ikaw ay
lubusang masaya na, sa ganyan, walang hinahanap, walang ginugusto, walang
hinihintay.

Bakit ba tayo umabot sa ganito? Sino ang makakapagsabi na
magpapalitan tayo ng mga mala-punyal na salitang hindi natin alam kung saan
hinugot, na magbibigayan tayo ng sakit at pighati at sa dulo halos pumasan ng
mga kabundok na pasanin at bagahe na ‘di nagpapatulog sa atin sa maraming gabi?

Mahal na mahal pa rin kita. Ngunit baka tama ka nga na
malamang hindi na rin sasapat ang mga ito. Wala na siguro sasapat. Wala ng
makakahatid sa atin sa pampang upang maging tulad ng dati.

Naiisip parin kita. Naluluha pa rin ako sa mag paulit-ulit
na bangungot ng ating nakaraan. Hanggang kailan kaya kita papasanin? Hanggang
kailan kaya kita titiisin?

Ikaw ang aking pinakamasaya, pinakamaganda at
pinakamalungkot na bagahe at alaala.

Nakakakuba magmahal at ang pagtatangkang lumimot…  

sashaninel feb2007

"love can never be portrayed the same way as a tree, or the sea, or any other mystery. It’s the sinner in the saint. It’s the light inside the paint".

by Mates Of State

"i've been out walkingi don't do too much talking these daysthese days i seem to think a lot about the things i forgot to doand all the times i've had the chance to

i stop my ramblingi don't do too much gambling these daysthese days i seem to think a lot about the changes that came by my wayand i wonder if i'll see another highway

i had a loveri don't think i'll risk another these daysand if i seem to be afraid to live the life i've made in songit's just that i've been losing some love

and i'd stop my dreamingi don't do too much dreaming these daysthese days i sit on corner stores and count the times their quarter counts to tenplease don't confront me with my failuresbecause i have not forgotten them"

Kung ikaw ay iibig at lulundag sa bangin ng alinlangan
Kung ikaw ay titindig sa banta ng kawalang kasiguraduhan
Kung ikaw ay haharap at susugod sa libong hanay ng pasakit
Tandaan lamang…

Umibig ng lubusan
Walang pagkukulang
Lahat-lahat
Sunugan
Wasakan
Ubusan

Umibig ng matapang
Walang pagdududa
Walang takot
Walang alinlangan
At buo ang pananalig

Dahil baka ika’y magtagumpay
Baka ikaw ay mangingibabaw
Baka makuha ang inaasam-asam
Baka mahawakan ang kanyang mga kamay na kay tagal tinago
Ng mga nakasanayang ritwal ng suyuan at habulan
Baka masulyapan ang kanyang mapapanglaw na mata
Na lagi rin pala nakamasid sa iyo.

Ngunit alalahanin din na maaari kang mabigo
Matalo
Mapuksa ng isang libong beses ngunit walang pangako ng
pagkamatay
Masaktan ng labis labis
Mapaatras at magupo
Lumuha at lumuha pa ulit

Sa lahat ng iibig ng lubusan at matapang
Ang akin lamang munting alay ay ang mainit na pagsalubong
Sa inyo tunay na mga mandirigma ng buhay at kawalang
katiyakan
Ang aking payak na alay ay ang aking lamesa
Latagan ng mga bote ng serbesa sa inyong tagumpay at
kabiguan
Sa inyong mga kwento ng tila muling pagsilang at kamatayan
Ng mga luha at ngiti
Ng saya, pait at pighati.

sashaninel june 22 2006

I got the call today, I didn't wanna hearBut I knew that it would comeAn old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phoneShe said you found someoneAnd I thought of all the bad luck,And the struggles we went throughAnd how I lost me and you lost youWhat are these voices outside love's open doorMake us throw off our contentmentAnd beg for something more?

I'm learning to live without you nowBut I miss you sometimesThe more I know, the less I understandAll the things I thought I knew, I'm learning againI've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the MatterBut my will gets weakAnd my thoughts seem to scatterBut I think it's about forgivenessForgivenessEven if, even if you don't love me anymore

These times are so uncertainThere's a yearning undefined...People filled with rageWe all need a little tendernessHow can love survive in such a graceless ageThe trust and self-assurance that can lead to happinessThey're the very things we kill, I guessPride and competition cannot fill these empty armsAnd the work I put between us,Doesn't keep me warm

I'm learning to live without you nowBut I miss you, BabyThe more I know, the less I understandAll the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn againI've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the MatterBut everything changesAnd my friends seem to scatterBut I think it's about forgivenessForgivenessEven if, even if you don't love me anymore

There are people in your life who've come and goneThey let you down and hurt your prideBetter put it all behind you; life goes onYou keep carryin' that anger, it'll eat you insideI've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the MatterBut my will gets weakAnd my thoughts seem to scatterBut I think it's about forgivenessForgivenessEven if, even if you don't love me anymore

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the MatterBecause the flesh will get weakAnd the ashes will scatterSo I'm thinkin' about forgivenessForgivenessEven if, even if you don't love me anymore

-Don Henley